Nursing vs Nurses

Priests are supposed to listen to all of the bad things you've done and keep it a secret. Defense attorneys are supposed to help you get off, even when they know that you've committed a crime. Doctors are supposed to "do no harm" when they treat you. What are nurses supposed to do? I have had so many experiences with nurses who interject their own personal beliefs into their treatment of patients that it makes my head spin. Do they honestly not understand the position of power they hold in a patient's eyes, or are they intentionally bullying sick people?

In 2003, I woke up from a surgery to discover (by overhearing two nurses talking to one another) that my doctor had removed my entire ovary and a growth that could be cancer (it wasn't). When my family walked in, I began crying and asking my mom and husband what I was going to do about the baby. My son was nine months old, breastfeeding, and cosleeping. The surgery was supposed to have me out that same day, but now I was going to have to spend the night. The nurse turned to me, obviously ignored the tears in my eyes (or didn't care), and began berating me for still breastfeeding a nine month old! She only nursed each of her children for four months, which apparently makes her an authority on the subject. It wasn't until my mom said something back that the woman stopped and told me that the baby could spend the night with me. What right did she have to tell me what to do? It had nothing to do with what she needed to do to care for me. She was unprofessional enough to believe that her personal opinions had any place in that room.

Fast forward to a week ago. My youngest was hospitalized overnight with an apparent asthma attack. After an hour in the ER, my husband took the other kids to the cafeteria. My two year old was feeling better after a breathing treatment and asked to nurse. Just after we started, two nurses came in to start her IV. One of them took Grace's arm and was searching for a vein when she realized that the baby was breastfeeding. She began giggling nervously and telling the other nurse that she hadn't realized what Grace was doing. From that moment on, she thought I was from another country. An hour or so later, Grace was nursing again (they did not bring her food until I asked three times) when the nurse came in. She said, "How often does she eat?" which I took to mean food, since I'd already asked about it several times. I guess I took too long to formulate an answer because the nurse started touching her own breasts and saying, "Breastfeeding," in a voice that indicated that I either didn't speak English well, or I was mentally slow. "Does she do it every two hours?" she asked next. She seemed surprised when I said that it was more like two to three times a day normally. I pointed out that she hadn't had any food to eat yet that day, and she was sick.

I was confident that the nurses on the pediatric until would be more aware and supportive of breastfeeding (I can be an optimistic idiot). Nope. The first respiratory therapist yanked the curtain around Grace's bed and snapped something about privacy the first time I nursed her there. You have to know that when I nurse in public, you cannot see one inch of breast. Obviously it wasn't what I was showing, it was what I was doing that bothered her. A different nurse was surprised that Grace both breastfed and ate a regular diet. Don't other toddlers drink bottles or sippy cups of cow's milk? Isn't it supposed to be an important part of their diet? Do nurses not know that it is milk that comes out of a woman's breasts? The entire night, I could feel waves of judgement and disdain coming off of the staff. It made my skin crawl, and I had to stop myself from turning Grace down when she asked to breastfeed when someone was in the room. What kind of a mother would I have been if I'd let pressure keep my sick baby from the comfort she needed?

Mothers need to know that when they are under the care of nurses (at least in the two hospitals I've dealt with), do not be bullied into fitting into their worldview. Just because you nurse thinks that breasts are scary it does not mean that you shouldn't be breastfeeding. Don't let them force you to deny your child the very thing that comforts him/her the most. Understand that what they say is more often colored by their personal opinions than their professional knowledge.

I have to end by saying that I have met wonderful nurses who were supportive or at the very least, non-judgemental. The last labor and delivery nurse I had told me that she was still breastfeeding her two year old :)