Well, Grace has apparently chosen stubbornness over nursing. This is Day Three of her refusal to "say ahhh" when she wants to breastfeed, which is my requirement ever since she stopped doing it correctly. She had been agreeing and then still nursing the wrong way, but at least she was trying. Now, she asks to nurse, I tell her to open wide, she yells "no!" and finds something else to do. She has fallen asleep every night cuddled in my arms, rather than at my breast. I find that part very sweet. The rest of it is a bit emotional, since I'll never know when she would have chosen to stop nursing if the medicine hadn't interfered.
I am pumping, but I have to admit that it's only twice a day. Not much milk is coming out, so the whole thing is a disappointment. I know that my goal is to just maintain a tiny supply so that a nursing newborn can have something to start with. I don't know how long I can keep this up though. I should be pumping more often, but it's really hard to be tied down for thirty minutes at a time when you have a two year old. The older kids can do things for themselves, but it isn't their job to watch their baby sister all of the time.
As anyone who has ever read any of my posts knows, I am a strong advocate of breastfeeding. It is superior to lab-created formula in every single way, and the bond it forges between mother and child is irreplaceable. I feel like all of those beliefs are being tested right now. If I don't keep working on nursing, even though I have no baby or toddler to nurse, then I may not be able to breastfeed our adopted baby. I am trying to see past my regret that my carefully planned timetable of adopting while Grace was still nursing has fallen apart, but I'm struggling a bit. It isn't just the sudden weaning; we started the paperwork later than I wanted to originally, and then our social worker moved at the slowest pace imaginable. We are months behind, and now the choice is mine to make. Do I keep up the work, not knowing if I'll still be pumping in eight months, or if the baby will come soon? Can I make peace with myself if I choose to let it go and accept that I may have to formula feed my last baby?
I just don't know what I'm going to do.
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2 comments:
even if you wean, you can still nurse your adopted baby! you will certainly have to suppliment for a while, but just by nursing (with an SNS) you will build your supply back up, and if that dosn't get you all the way there you can take Domperidone- that's what i used and it worked wonders! good luck and God bless mama!
Thanks Liz. I haven't looked into domperidone yet. I have heard that some people experience bad side effects; have you had any? I'm trying to convince myself to have the same "it will all work out" attitude that my husband has, but it isn't in my nature to just let things happen (flaw, I know).
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