What Makes Someone a "Parenting Expert"?

I will preface this post by saying that I don't spend my day watching parenting shows on cable. I have been nursing babies for years now, and I often flip on the TV while they feed :)

I never thought that I would refer to a show who's gimmick is featuring moms who are professional models as a source for reliable information about parenting, but Runway Moms on Discovery Health is just that. The women are very health conscious, which leads them to make good choices for their babies. There are lots of natural childbirths and I've never seen one episode where the mom didn't breastfeed her newborn. Several of the moms have talked about their careers giving them the opportunity to spend time with and raise their own children while still earning a living. Watching it, I actually forget that they are models with rich husbands.

The only other show about motherhood that I can recommend is House of Babies, also on Discovery Health. I think they are only showing reruns and not filming any more episodes, but honestly how long can an alternative birth center that promotes breastfeeding last on a channel paid for by hospitals and formula companies (conjecture; I have no proof, just observations). The show is all about the Miami Maternity Center.

I had watched a few episodes of the Baby Diaries on the same channel before today, but this was the first one that got me fired up. The couple they were following were poster children for a rotten start to parenting. As soon as his wife and new daughter were asleep on their first night home from the hospital, the husband grabbed some beer and snuck up to his friend's apartment. What a winner! She made a great choice for the father of her children! That wasn't the horrible part, though. At the end of the first week, the mother announced that she didn't get the hang of breastfeeding and would never like to try that again. Did she see a lactation consultant? Did the TV show about motherhood help her find one? No, she bought a breast pump. She was struggling to get it to work so that she could feed her newborn breastmilk without having to nurse her. I will grant that her solution was lightyears better than formula, but it isn't the same as breastfeeding (Mothering Magazine had an interesting article two years ago about the development of a baby's facial muscles and bone structure being compromised by exclusive bottle feeding). This wasn't the horrible part either. The segment that freaked me out was the little talk by "parenting expert" Ann Douglas.

I have a book co-authored by Douglas, and I'm bitter now that she earned a couple of my dollars. She said that pumping and bottle feeding were as good as breastfeeding (debatable, but not horrific). She then went on to say that if that didn't work out, then the mother should move on to alternative feeding solutions. Douglas made the statement that it's just as good a choice and that parents shouldn't be judgemental of other parents parenting decisions regarding all aspects of childrearing because "everyone has the baby's best interest at heart." She must be a god to those Internet message board moms who attack anyone who questions another mom's actions/choices/philosophies. I would like to ask Ms. Douglas if it's wrong of me to judge my neighbors for letting their four year old range free across the entire neighborhood? Is it judgemental to worry that he'll drown in the pond? Am I wrong to wonder if he'll be kidnapped? Do I need to apologize to those parents for my thoughts? I'm sure that they only have his best interests at heart! So does the young mother in the next town whose newborn and fourteen month olds were both drugged to shut them up (newborn died). I'm sure that she shouldn't be judged. What about the parents on drugs arrested yesterday in the death of their three month old? Comments like Douglas's only serve to empower ignorant parents everywhere. There are many parenting styles and choices with equally valid justifications. To say that no one should judge anyone and that everyone cares about their babies/children is to sugarcoat bad parenting.

I have a cousin who has made nothing but bad choices for her son. Not breastfeeding was actually the least of them (with the stuff she's putting into her system, he was truly better off with formula). She gave him Tylenol round the clock for weeks at a time because he was "teething", she put him in a regular bed at ten months "because it was cute", she smokes around him, she gets drunk while caring for him, and now she's abandoned him. I promise you that moms like her listen to statements like Douglas's and use it as ammunition to anyone who dares question them. I've seen it in my own family, and it's rampant on parenting message boards on the Internet. I might have been able to ignore the uneducated statement that formula is just as good as breastmilk if not for the added bonus of telling parents not to judge others for any of their parenting choices.

I flipped the channel at that point to The View. Sheri was talking about flying with her young son and his nanny to bring him back to LA from New York (talk about your part-time mothers). She said that he screamed for three of the six hours the flight took. I was sympathetic until she mentioned that he was strapped into his carseat the whole time. Gee, I wonder why he was crying? I guess it's judgemental to think that his mother or nanny should have picked him up. When he was born extremely prematurely, Sheri went on and on about God's miracle and her love for him. It is a well known statistic that kids who were premature infants have a much higher chance of being abused by their parents...Oops, sorry Ann Douglas!