Labels That Divide

I have had it with parenting labels! The term Attachment Parenting has always bugged me. I'm sure Dr. Sears didn't intend it to be annoying; he was trying to come up with a descriptive term for the parenting philosophy he advocates. What bothers me is that what people call AP tends to be what is natural and therefore Normal Parenting. What Western proponents of AP call Mainstream Parenting is actually far from the norm (bottle feeding, formula, solitary infant sleep, etc.). As with the label extended breastfeeding, nature is losing out in the language wars.

On a message board for AP moms, someone began a discussion about another parenting philosophy that I'd never heard of before. It's called Consensual Living, and it involves respecting your children as they grow. The woman who was advocating it discussed how it works in her day to day life. It sounds pretty much like the way I'm raising my own kids. What makes me balk is the use of a label for it. The title makes it sound elitist.

I don't want subtitles for the way I parent. I don't want to have to explain an entire philosophy to strangers just because they don't understand breastfeeding or cosleeping. I've read that doctors don't question formula feeding moms about their choice because they don't want to make them feel guilty. I think the same goes for moms who work outside of the home when their babies/children are small. I'm doing things a more natural way, so why do I have to explain it? Is it because I don't feel guilty?

I can't speak for other moms who parent naturally, but I think I put out the extra effort because I hope that if more of us spoke up, then our choices would be seen for the normal decision that they are. I never saw homeschooling as an equally normal option until I started meeting moms who were doing it. At one point, when my oldest was three, fully half of the mothers I spoke with about school for their children had already or were going to choose homeschooling. It went from a fringe idea that I'd never considered to something completely acceptable in a matter of months.